Spanking Could Land You in Jail
Unreal! The government wants to tell us how to raise our kids now. Like always they want to step in and interfere. But guess I am old school because I think there should be a law saying parents who don’t spank are not raising their kids properly.
California Assemblywoman Sally Lieber is introducing legislation that would outlaw spanking children three and under, according to The San Jose Mercury News. The law would prohibit, “any striking of a child…smacking, hitting or punching,” and would be punishable by up to a year in jail or a fine up to $1,000.
Some critics note that it would be practically impossible to enforce the ban, and wonder whether three-year-olds would be expected to report they’d been spanked.
If enacted, California would become the first state to explicitly ban parents from swatting their children’s behinds.
Do you spank your kids?
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POSTED IN: News, Parenting, Parenting in the News
27 opinions for Spanking Could Land You in Jail
Rory
Jan 22, 2007 at 1:49 pm
No.
Jared
Jan 23, 2007 at 9:56 am
They don’t already have child abuse laws which cover ‘punching’? What a wonderfully vague, useless piece of legislation. Another fine example of tax-payer-funded legal posturing.
Yes, we’ve spanked our son. I can count the number of times on one hand.
steve
Jan 23, 2007 at 10:01 am
I think the problem is parents resort to spanking as their only form of punishment. Spanking is something I do when it is called for but it needs to be coupled with reason and explanation.
Rory and Jared, It is good to see both you guys using other forms to reprimand your kids.
Gayla
Jan 23, 2007 at 11:01 am
I’m the mom of 13-year-old twin boys. Yup, I’ve spanked.
I think the real issue here is the HOW will they define “spanking?”
It’s amazing the response you get when you ask people to define spanking.
To me, spanking is a paddle on the behind - NOT in anger and absolutely followed by a discussion over what lead to that spanking.
I have only spanked my children when they were doing something that was very dangerous. I’d much rather endure a few welts on the behind of my kid than to be scraping them off the road because I chose time out over a punishment they’d actually FEAR.
steve
Jan 23, 2007 at 11:05 am
Gayla good point. I have spanked and still do. I don’t spank to leave welts like I imagined back in my grandfather’s day and age. I always hear about the belt or they were taken out to the shed for some lashings.
I don’t do any of that thankfully, but I paddle once or twice on the butt. There are no marks or nothing, just a nice firm paddle.
I think the problem is there are a few parents who become over zealous on spanking and so they feel they need to crack down.
Rory
Jan 23, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Okay, after my quickie answer this morning, I’ve had a chance to mull it over during the day. It is such an emotive question.
I can’t really comment on the efficacy of creating a law that immediately criminalises millions of parents.
That aside, I wonder what the answer is to “Why do you spank?”
Steve, you said you do it “when it is called for.” But, when is spanking called for? Gayla spanks her children ‘when they do something very dangerous’. Is that a spanking born from fear or worry? I wonder whether we underestimate how affecting it is to children to know from words and facial expression how scared or worried Mummy is? I’m not sure what lesson spanking on an occasion like that teaches. Again, it is so hard to talk about this subject without sounding judgmental. You know that is not my intent. I’m just asking.
So many parents who spank do it because they are at the end of their tether, they don’t know what else to do. But what do you do after spanking?
I like Jared’s comment. “I can count the number of times on one hand,” may not mean what we think it means.
And, Steve, maybe the next vote can be “How old should children be before you stop spanking them?”
steve
Jan 23, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Rory, good post. I made a statement I would like to take back and it was: “I think there should be a law saying parents who don’t spank are not raising their kids properly.”
I think I was out of line on that one but I was trying to make point that spanking is something that even good parents do. Spanking should not be out of anger but coupled with other disciplinary actions.
I am not here to defend spanking. I think it is great if you can get away without using it. Some kids I feel do need it.
Rory
Jan 23, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Some might argue that any spanking is done out of anger to a certain degree. Out of frustration. Out of fear.
What would be an example of kids that need it?
(I know that this is not a forum, but it is such a compelling discussion.)
steve
Jan 23, 2007 at 6:00 pm
I perfect example where I would find it useful is say you are in public and your child is acting out. He is screaming and kicking and acting really bad. After speaking to your child many times he continues to throw a fit. You then take him by the hand and walk him to the car. You get in and buckle him in and tell him that when he gets home he is going to get spanked.
On the way home you are silent and he either continues or calms down. In a lot of cases the child will start to calm down as you journey home.
When you get home you tell the child to go to their room and that you will be up in a minute.
You then wait 5 minutes and go upstairs. You then paddle them twice firmly on the butt and tell them they cannot come down until dinner.
One you are at the dinner table you ask the child why he deserved to be reprimanded, spanked, and sent to bed?
The problem I see too often is the kid calms down on the way home and then the parent gets home and drops the issue. The kid got what he wanted. He wanted to throw a fit and leave the store. It is unacceptable to act like that and the consequences of such actions has an equal and opposite one.
By taking the time to drive home the parent calms down as well and has time to think. The spanking is not down out of fear, out of immediate anger, and can think things through. Then it should be a process when you get home.
I don’t think a parent should spank out of anger but you shouldn’t be smiling and happy about spanking. Of course the parent is angry that is why they are spanking. Whoever came up with spanking out of anger obviously didn’t think it all through first. I think it should be rephrased that spanking out of anger just for the sake they are angry is wrong. There is no other reason other than anger. For instance your child throws a toy and hits you in the head with it. First thing you do out of anger is walk over and pull the pants down and spank. This shouldn’t be the case. When spanking works the best is when there is time in between. This does 2 things. Calms both parent and kid down to think clearer and secondly it shows the child that even though you are under control he still deserves his spank.
Again, there are people who can get away with not spanking their kid, but I find a lot of kids right down at the local school who act out and are nasty and 9 times out of 10 those parents won’t even tell their child NO. If they can’t tell them NO then they definitely aren’t spanking or undergoing and means of discipline.
Rory
Jan 23, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Okay. I’m going to leave it at that. I think I have too many questions to hog the comments section.
I guess it’s a “some parents feel fine about spanking, some parents don’t” sort of debate.
Lis
Jan 24, 2007 at 11:52 am
We spank DAILY at our house. We have a gifted 2 turning 3 year old who challenges everything. I mean EVERYTHING. He is exceptionally smart, for example, he’s reading 10-12 letter words and spelling 8 letter words correctly. So we (the wife and I) know he understands between right and wrong.
Our usual course of action is counting to 3. If he doesn’t behave then we give him a time out. If time out is not working. Meaning he gets up, continues to yell, etc then we will spank.
My wife and I monitor each other to see if we’re spanking out of frustration or just cause. Of course we explain to our son what he’s done wrong.
Kellys
Jan 24, 2007 at 1:36 pm
I have found that stopping my DD from doing something that is dangerous to her health or some activity that is totally unacceptable like throwing a fit in public is basically the only time we spank. Our process is making her look at us and tell her why we are spanking her. Usually it goes something like ” KM, mommy told you if you did … you would get a spanking. You chose to do … and now I have to spank you.” I lean her over my knee and then pop her 2x only. I hit just hard enough to get her attention. Never hard enough to hurt her. Usually I just hurt her feelings. It works for us. She now knows that if we tell her she iwll get a spanking for a certain activity, she WILL get one and she usually chooses not do do it. It’s all about consistancy.
Kellys
Jan 24, 2007 at 1:40 pm
I am toally against legislation on how to raise my kids. Next, they will tell us that we can’t feed them certain foods or jail us for putting them in their cribs to cry becasue it makes them feel unwanted.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not for any form of child abuse. But at 12-18 months, time does not work. They aren’t old enough to understand.
steve
Jan 24, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Lis I think we live in a similar type home. I count to 5 though. :D
Sometimes it is 10.
But what we do is we give one warning. This is their opportunity to shape up. After one warning I might spank. Like Kellys said you have to be consistent so as not to confuse the child.
But believe it or not we don’t spank very often. I mean we have our moments but our kids on a general rule are very well acting kids. We are fortunate to have 4 kids who are calm and well behaved.
Bill
Jan 25, 2007 at 5:33 pm
On the spanking subject I just thought I would mention this because I think it is interesting. John Brown (the abolitionist) would write down every transgression committed by his son and total the number of hits with the twitch he would earn. However he would only give his son some of them and instead have his son strike him because he viewed his son’s failures as a failure on his part too. I am not saying this is how people should dole out punishment, but I think it raises an interesting point on the subject of punishment. When your child fails to do as they should, how much of it is is a reflection of failure on your part to do your best as a parent?
steve
Jan 25, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Hey Bill I like that a lot. That does make some sense. I don’t think it would be a direct measurement but in general terms I can see it as some sort of relationship between the two.
We also have to remember that kids are naturally going to do wrong things and so it is our job to raise them to do the right things.
I remember before I had kids I asked my father if there was any wisdom he would like to shed some light on. I said now would be the best time to tell me. He said one thing, “Son just remember, kids will do anything… anything… unless you tell them not to.”
I thought it was good advice but when my kids got older I began to think about that statement and it is true to this day.
Karen
Jan 27, 2007 at 10:45 am
Yes, I spank my kids. Sometimes a time-out, warning, or talking to just doesn’t work. I’ve seen the look of defiance and know that my kids need a spanking.
I think that sometimes kids’ actions are reflective of the parents. I’ve seen that enough over my years of teaching, but I don’t believe that’s always the case. We are born with a sinful that we will always struggle with. Some things just seem so tempting and pleasurable, no matter our upbringing.
I even received an email from Pampers this week and it had guidelines for spanking.
Karen
Jan 27, 2007 at 10:47 am
Oops, that was supposed to say, “We are born with a sinful nature that we will always struggle with.”
Revka
Jan 27, 2007 at 2:46 pm
This piece of legislation is another attempt to take control of our children. It’s done under the guise of looking out for our children’s best interests, but the fact remains that God gave babies to parents to raise, not to the government. Obviously, child abuse should be punished, but spanking is not the same as child abuse. We spank, but the number of swats is pre-determined according to the offense, and spanking is not a general form of discipline but is reserved for specific acts: deliberate disobedience and deliberately hurting someone. We DO NOT spank if we are angry or frustrated. Before we spank, we remind the child why she is being spanked: “Mommy told you to come, and you did not come. You disobeyed Mommy, and that means that I have to spank you.” The spanking is then administered, followed by a reminder to obey next time and a kiss, hug, and “I love you very much.” Of course no one enjoys a spanking, even the one giving it, but it teaches the children that there are boundaries that they cannot cross without reaping the consequences. Again, a spanking is not appropriate for every infraction of the rules, but I do not appreciate some legislator trying to take away my freedom to choose what method of discipline I will use as I raise my children.
Rory
Jan 27, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I have been following this discussion with interest, and also the one over at Maya’s Mom. Although, in the main, many of the commentors over there decry spanking, they also admit to using it as a last resort. Two discussions, two different points of view - yet, curiously, the same.
Anyway, rather than comment at length here, I followed the advice of Blogging Basics 101 and wrote my own post. My name, above, will link to it, for those interested in a different view.
Karen
Jan 27, 2007 at 4:25 pm
“No long-term studies show whether spanking is effective, and the research does not show significant long-term consequences of spanking.”
People can provide quotes from doctors that say that we shouldn’t spank our children. There are just as many quotes from doctors that say a spanking is ok.
Revka
Jan 27, 2007 at 9:12 pm
It really doesn’t matter what man says; what God says is what counts. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Proverbs 13:24 He created us, and He knows what we need to do to parent our children.
Inside Fatherhood » Saturday Night Speedlinking - January 27, 2007
Jan 27, 2007 at 11:42 pm
[…] Lately we have been talking about spanking and the ramifications. Rory takes the time to post on his blog how he feels about the subject. I plan on continuing the conversation this week. […]
Myron
Jan 28, 2007 at 9:05 am
I remember when my mom would tell me you’re begging for a spanking. I do remember getting many which were justified. I also remember that after I received those spankings, I would always want mom to hold me and tell me she still loved me. I didn’t like her telling me she was spanking me because she loved me. I wished before the spankings were received that she didn’t love me so much. She along with all my grandparents would be considerded child abusers by today’s society. I don’t care. I only know that with discipline comes awareness that you will pay for your actions. It was certain, it was sure, and with mom, you knew it was coming. Today kids scream, cuss, call their parents all sorts of names, throw tandrums, and act like pure devils. Well, they are. Most parents today are gutless wonders. They’ll do anything to avoid being responsible for the brats they raise. I won’t let you have a McDonald’s, or some junk like that, they tell their kids. Chicken hearted, gutless wonders. No wonder your kids scream and throw fits. What are you going to do? Nothing! You desire the hell you’ve created. The regret is that all of society, everyone must endure and put up with what you won’t control. People like you art to be nudered and spayed. You don’t deserve or need kids. Oh, by the way, a incident years ago happened to one member of our family. They had spanked the girl and she called the cops. They came and threatened her, she said welll if you feel that way about it, take the kid and you raise it. They left very quickly. From a dear older, wiser grandpa.
steve
Jan 28, 2007 at 10:13 am
Myron, that is funny. “Take the kid and you raise “it”….
Those are some good points you made especially when it comes to parents not disciplining. I agree kids behavior is on the decline. I wonder if this is a direct result from lack of discipline and as you put it “Chicken hearted gutless wonders”.
Kids know they can get away with stuff these days. But when it comes to spanking I don’t think it is always necessary but I sure believe that spanking in a traditional non abusive fashion can do us all wonders, even the child.
Inside Fatherhood » Is Spanking Acceptable?
Jan 30, 2007 at 5:27 pm
[…] Just recently we have been discussing a very contraversial topic of spanking. There have been many comments that have ranged from “spanking should be done often”, while others feel spanking should “never take place no matter what”. It ranges between those schools of thought. […]
Revka
Feb 1, 2007 at 12:07 am
Trackback for you.
http://ourfamilyporch.blogspot.com/2007/01/scriptural-case-for-spanking.html
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