Inside Fatherhood

Top 5 Hardest Things to Deal With as a Stay at Home Dad

by steve on October 17th, 2006

Yesterday I wrote about some of the things that I learned since becoming a full time stay at home dad. I think we all may learn different things that work for them and I think it is important to share them with as many other people as you can.

I thought what may help other dads, especially those who are new or awaiting daddyhood, is to write about the top 5 things that I felt were (and still are) some of the hardest things to deal with from a Stay at Home Dad perspective. These are in no basic order…

1) Keeping up with housework.
Growing up all I needed to do was keep my room clean. Now as a stay at home father of 4 children, I find that housekeeping is one of my hardest jobs. I can clean up the entire downstairs and make it look real nice before noon, but by bed time the house is a disaster. I literally have to be cleaning all the time and I vaccuum after meals. I stopped putting my vaccuum away and I just leave it plugged in the corner. I go through a new bag every 2 weeks and have burnt the belt out several times already. My wife and I stock up on belts and bags.

Kids are just messy and it is almost impossible to keep up on everything. I get tired of cleaning and if I don’t do any type of cleaning in one day the house becomes a complete wreck. So the days I don’t feel well, or if I am sick, the house becomes a complete disaster.

Also with 4 kids there is six of us. The amount of dishes being used is amazing. The amount of trash we throw out. I am always taking out the trash. We are what they consider the typical “American consumer”.

2) Things get broken.
Don’t buy anything nice. Be prepared to witness several of your nicer belongings to become ruined in the first 2 years of raising kids. I know one kid can cause problems, and with 4 it is just 4 times as bad. Couches get things spilled on them, walls and furniture get written on, and if you have wallpaper expect it to get ripped. Do not invest in a lot of nice things or you will end up getting a bit disappointed when it becomes ruined. Forget that nice Belgian rug to go under the nice fancy dining room table. Forget it… push it far from your mind. Have the attitude that some day you will be able to get those nice things, but not just yet.

This is one of the hardest things to deal with is things like glasses getting knocked over and broken by accident, crayons being used to decorate furniture and walls, and basically the fact that kids are not always gentle when dealing with certain things.

3) Lack of adult contact.
Here is a biggy. Isolation. Prepare to get very little adult contact. You will begin talking to adults when that rare moment finally arrives where you are out in public, and you will forget how to interact. It happens. You start rhyming. It’s a sad affair but expect to not be able to just say “Hey look it’s a duck.” You can’t just leave it at that. You say things like “Hey check out the ducky whucky,” the same way you would say it to your 6 month old baby. It is one of the hardest things as a Stay at Home Dad, and if you have friends you can go out with at least once per week to see a movie, go golfing, or anything, make time and go do it before you forget proper English.

The other thing is when I get any opportunity I begin talking politics, news related stuff, and even religion if I get desperate enough. I am now on the list of people NOT to call in fear of having to listen to 45 minute drawn out rants about life. This I am afraid is part of being a Stay at Home Dad.

4) No me time.
This overlaps a bit with being isolated, but it also means even if I were an introvert, there are hobbies that you used to do that you no longer take part in. Just being able to relax and take a bubble bath has to be done before the sun rises or after 9pm. Scheduling walks can be difficult when you have 4 kids. This is probably just a parenting issue but I have found that during the day you don’t get a lot of time to do the things you want. Not to sound selfish but I like to do want I want from time to time. Who doesn’t?

5) It takes 30 minutes to get ready to go.
This is also probably just a parenting thing, but being home with the kids and you have to run to the bank or store. It takes 30 minutes to get all the kids ready with proper attire, shoes, diaper bag, and to also get my bank statements ready. Forget the days where you can fly out the door whenever you feel like it. This is a huge adjustment. We are normally not on time because of last minute issues as we are heading out the door. So learning to schedule enough time to prepare before leaving the house is something that I find difficult to adjust to.

I am not trying to sound pessimistic. This is an attempt to prepare the new dads with some of the more difficult adjustments I found soon after staying home full time. Maybe some other stay at home dads can chime in and share some things that were difficult for them to adjust to.

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POSTED IN: Advice, Stay at Home Dads